Alphabet Soup version Ghost Hunt
by The Jenx
Summary: As opposed to the one I did for Tsubasa. Anyways, drabbles for every letter of the alphabet, of various genres and pairings. G: Ayako and Bousan play drunken strip Scrabble. ...No, really.
1. A is for Angel

There was a spirit attached to John. Masako never brought it up, because there's really no right time to say "excuse me, did you know there's a dead person following you around?", and he didn't seem to notice. It was hidden most of the time, so Masako only caught glimpses of a faded pink sweater or long black hair. Sometimes, she would catch light laughter or a soft lullaby.

It raised all sorts of questions, of course. There had to be a strong connection or the spirit would've gone away by now. At the same time, she didn't want to pry. It wouldn't be the proper and polite thing to do (and she could just hear her mother's voice scolding her). So she waited and hoped that someday, it would stop being such a- excuse her barbaric wording- such a _bitch_ and just show itself.

Her opportunity came on a late summer night. Takigawa _somehow_ heard that Yasuhara had dumped his girlfriend and decided to celebrate the occasion with an all-night horror movie marathon. What horror movies had to do with disastrous relationships was a mystery to Masako, but she saw no harm in accepting the invitation. So there she was, in the bassist's apartment, curled up in an overstuffed armchair amidst half-eaten bowls of popcorn, crumpled candy bar wrappers, and empty soda cans while "It: The Terror From Outer Space" played on the TV. Maybe it was because the movie was so boring or maybe it was the warm breeze from the window, but the others had all fallen asleep. Mai went first, resting her head in Takigawa's lap (most unladylike), then John in the loveseat, then Yasuhara on the carpet, and finally Ayako and Takigawa on the other end of the couch, leaning against each other while Takigawa's hand rested on Mai's head. Masako waited a few minutes after Takigawa's eyes had drifted shut, just to be safe. Then she fixed her eyes on the arm of the loveseat.

"Are you ever going to show yourself?"

Silence.

"I already know you're there. There's no reason to hide."

On the TV, someone got pulled into a ventilation shaft and mutilated.

"You know, I'm not going to try and send you to the next world."

There was a flicker of chalk-white hands, then they vanished. Masako sighed. She should have expected as much.

"Well then, goodnight."

She settled into the cushions as best as she could and closed her eyes.

"…You won't?" It was a sweet voice, heavily accented like John's. Masako opened her eyes and sat up, but the space was still empty.

"No," she said slowly. "I won't. You don't seem inclined to harm anyone, so there's no need to make you leave."

"Are you sure? I would exorcise _every_ spirit, just to be sure."

"I'm not you."

"I should hope not, seeing how I'm dead and all. But promise."

"Alright."

"No, no, say the words. I promise… come on…"

"…I promise…"

"Not to exorcize this ghost…"

"Not to exorcize this ghost," Masako repeated, starting to feel a bit ridiculous.

"And if I do…"

"And if I do… excuse me, but I've already promised-"  
"Then I'll turn green and get purple warts."

"I will _not!_" Masako protested.

"I can make you if you exorcize me," the empty space said.

"If I've exorcized you, you can't do anything," said Masako. The empty space said nothing. "But I'm not going to exorcize you," Masako said. She felt a headache coming on.

"Alright," the empty space said, voice heavy with melodramatic defeat. "If you _insist_."

In an instant, there was a full-grown woman occupying half of John's seat. Her legs vanished behind his and one arm was wrapped around his waist. It was a wonder the chill hadn't woken him up. She was clearly not related to him- her eyes were green, her hair was black, and her sharp features looked nothing like his baby-face.

"There. I hope you're happy."

"Thank you," Masako said. She hadn't expected the spirit to actually cooperate, so she had never planned out this part. "Ah. So. Who are you?"

"Madeline Shepard. I was his favorite hooker," she declared, nuzzling into his chest.

Masako stared. There was nothing she could say to that. Well, there were a good many things she could say to it, if only her brain were working.

" But… he… priest!" she choked out. Madeline laughed, the same tinkling laughter Masako had heard before. Then she pulled away from him and Masako felt that maybe she could breathe again.

"I'm just kidding. I was the choir leader of his church."

"He sings?"

"Sang," Madeline corrected. "He hasn't in years."

Masako considered this for a moment.

"Why did he stop?"

Madeline's brows furrowed and she bit her lip.

"I… don't think he deals with death very well," she said slowly. Her gaze was fixed on his sleeping figure. "And we were… close."

"Lovers?" Masako asked.

"No. He didn't want that. It's just… his parents were never supportive about the priesthood. He needed someone to guide him." She tried to tighten her grip on his waist, but her hand just slipped through his flesh. A pained look flitted across her features, but was quickly masked by an apologetic smile. "So I did. I mean, until I died."

Masako studied Madeline's face for a moment as she absently ran her hand through John's hair. It was a useless gesture; she couldn't touch him. A pang of sympathy welled up inside Masako as she imagined years of this. Years of Madeline watching John, following him, reaching out- and having no effect at all.

"You can go, you know," she said. "He's a man now. You don't have to watch over him. You have an afterlife to look forwards to."

Madeline's eyes narrowed.

"You said you wouldn't exorcize me. You _promised._"

"I won't. I just don't understand why you stay."

"Well, you see…" Madeline trailed off, searching for the right words. "You've heard of guardian angels, yes? Christianity has generally lived up to my expectations, except that we don't have guardian angels. And I think that sucks!" she exclaimed, balling a fist. "God knows the young need them. Especially this boy, running with you freaks-"

"_Excuse_ me?" Masako asked, indignant. Madeline ignored her.

"I mean, do you know how many times he'd be dead if it wasn't for me? When he escaped the roof cave-in back at the abandoned schoolhouse- _me._ Oh, and the child spirits from the well? I think being thrown into a wall is _much_ better than being mauled. And in Urado's estate-"

"Alright, alright, I understand," Masako said, rubbing her temples. "But are you really happy with this?"

"Masako-chan?" Yasuhara's voice drifted up from the floor, clouded with sleep. He sat up halfway and rubbed his eyes. "Who're you talking to?"

Madeline sat very still and gave Masako a stern look.

"No one," Masako said. "Go back to sleep, it's not even sunrise yet."

"Ah, but I'm missing such a great movie," he muttered, giving the TV a groggy smile as a laser-blaster defeated the wart-covered beast. Masako couldn't really stop him, so she sent an apologetic look in Madeline's direction. Madeline shrugged. Then she leaned in close and kissed the top of John's head. Her outline blurred and faded, but she just smiled at Masako.

_Yes. I'm happy with this._

Then she was hidden, and Masako was alone with some cheesy ending credits. Yasuhara stretched, more awake now.

"Mou, I think that would've been a more exciting ending if I knew what happened in the first half of the movie. Was it good, Masako? …Masako?"

"Sorry," Masako said, a slight smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "I didn't really pay attention."

* * *

I swear to god, I AM working on something chaptered! I have 2 pages of it! It's just... other stuff... keeps coming up... XD Yeah. So. B will either be for Beach or Beauty, depending on which one works out best. And Beauty is for Lin, so don't go thinking anything about Naru. Sorry, kids! Lin needs love too! 


	2. B is for Beach

Lin was having a bad day. He knew he was having a bad day because he was surrounded by shirtless men and scantily clad women. He knew he was having a bad day because it was scorching hot and there was sand in his shoes. Most of all, he knew he was having a bad day because Matsuzaki was trying to strip him.

"Stop that," he snapped, slapping away her hand as she reached to unbutton his shirt again.

"I'm just looking out for you," she said. "You might get heat stroke. These things happen."

"I'm fine."

"That's what they all say. Then-" she snapped emphatically- "In the hospital on IV fluids and a heart monitor. Just like that."

He regarded her skeptically.

"No, really," she said. "I've seen it happen."

"If I start getting hot, I'll take off my own shirt," he assured her. She sighed and stared up at the fluorescent pink umbrella that Mai had brought on the case, which they had solved in the first ten minutes after arriving. Lin was highly suspicious that it was all a set-up to get them to the beach, and the fact that everyone else- except for Naru, of course- had "just happened" to bring a swimsuit. They'd strongly encouraged Naru and Lin to as well, "just in case", but he didn't think much of it. He didn't think they were _that_ desperate for a group vacation. Apparently he had underestimated them.

Next to him, Matsuzaki shifted and dug her toe in the sand. He didn't see why she didn't just go have fun- Mai, and Yasuhara had tagteamed and made Masako and John play volleyball with them while Takigawa pretended he knew how to surf. Even Naru had removed his shoes and rolled up his pants so he could wade in the tide pools. Surely, there was someoneelse she could harass.

"Do you even _own_ swim trunks?" she asked, giving him a long-suffering look. He considered for a minute. He did have that one pair that Madoka had given him last Christmas, with the pink teddy bears…

"No," he said.

"Then you should get some."

He glanced at her sideways.

"I don't swim."

"You know," Takigawa's voice interrupted from behind, "I get the feeling that she just wants to see you half- naked." He chuckled and sat down on the other side of Lin, patting him on the back. "Watch out, you never know what she'll do to get what she wants."

"Weren't you surfing?" Ayako asked, leaning across Lin to glare at him. It must've been an accident that she was pressing against Lin's chest to do so.

"I was," Takigawa replied, grinning. "Which is, y'know, why I'm soaked."

"Don't be a smartass."

"You know, you never denied that you just wanna see him naked."

"I didn't deem it worthy of a response. Lin knows I'm just worried about him. Don't you, Lin?" she crooned, still much too close.

"I…" he stopped because she was picking at the buttons of his shirt again. "Stop that!"

Ayako pulled back and folded her arms across her chest.

"You're at a _beach_! You don't have to swim, you don't have to make sandcastles, I'm not even going to make you come out from under this godamn umbrella, and I think that's generous, but the whole point of a vacation at the beach is to relax, so _relax_ already!"

"I'm relaxed," he said, still poker-faced.

"You're not even slouching!"

"She has a point," Takigawa said. Lin chose not to acknowledge them, and they fell into an irritated silence. Takigawa hummed a fragment of an upbeat tune and watched John score yet another point in volleyball. Then he gave a thoughtful "Hmm- she _is_ right," and reached over to unbutton Lin's shirt.

"What- _stop _that!"

And people wondered why he hated the Japanese.

* * *

Hey. Don't deny it. YOU want to see Lin strip too. Anyways, I promise these will get better eventually, and won't all be plain old humor. There'll be romance, drama, angst, blah blah blah. I just wrote D last night, or most of D, and it's angsty as hell. XD So yeah. There will be variety.

See you next time!


	3. C is for Counting

The first time Mai and Masako kissed, they were being possessed by the ghosts of star-crossed lovers. It was a desperate passionate kiss and it lasted three minutes and twenty-two seconds until Lin noticed it on the cameras, recognized what was happening, and ran to break them up. Ayako and Bou-san found it hilarious, and spent the next two weeks teasing them about their 'budding relationship'.

(------)

The second time they kissed was an accident. It was very early in the morning, and they were supposed to be keeping a vigil on a haunted park bench, but nothing had happened. The conversation had drifted to Naru. That happened a lot; Mai figured it was because they disagreed on so many little things, so it was nice to know that they really did understand each other. In any case, Mai had confessed that she'd never kissed- the first time didn't count. It was of course, a mistake. Masako chuckled into the sleeve of her kimono for a whole five minutes before Mai asked her what it was like and Masako had to admit that she hadn't kissed either.

"Do you think Naru has?" Mai asked, after she had teased Masako long enough. "I mean, I'd hate to kiss him-"

"As if he'd let you."

"Hey, hypothetically speaking. Anyways, I'd feel bad if he's experienced and I disappointed him or something."

"Hmm." Masako reflected on this for a minute, brows furrowed. "I doubt he has."

"Why?"

"Because he would have to talk to a girl first, and be kind enough that she wouldn't reject him instantly."

"Well… it _might_ happen…" Mai frowned thoughtfully. "…The same day that Bou-san declares his undying love for Yasuhara and they elope to get married in the United States…"

They both burst into laughter.

"Oh man," Mai giggled, leaning closer and grinning, "could you see that? I think poor John would die of shock. He's too Catholic for… ah…"

They had stopped laughing and found that Mai had leaned in too far and their faces were mere inches apart.

"For… um…"

An awkward silence settled over them. Masako's breath feathered on Mai's cheek. Somehow, the space between them closed and their lips met. The kiss was soft, shy, and clumsy, and lasted less than a minute. Then Masako pulled away and Mai jerked back in shock. They turned their backs on each other. Mai felt her face burning, and tried to think of something to say.

"Um. I. Er."

"Practice," Masako said. In an instant, she had become cold and stiff. Mai bowed her head, suddenly fascinated with her feet.

"Yeah," she agreed. "Practice."

(------)

The next few kisses were also practice. Purely for practice. They wanted to be good when they finally got to Naru, that was all. They spent more time together, but only because Masako disliked staying home with her parents and Mai's apartment was a convenient refuge. They weren't in love. They didn't get each other anything for Valentine's Day or even for Christmas, because they weren't in love. Just practicing.

"You know," Masako said, pulling back from the eighteenth kiss, "we've probably practiced enough."

"Yeah," Mai said. "We probably have."

There was a moment of comfortable silence before Masako initiated their nineteenth kiss.

(------)

Mai lay in Masako's arms under the blankets after their twenty-sixth kiss. She absently traced patterns up and down Masako's arms, enveloped in her warmth. Strands of a quiet song poured in through the window from the apartment downstairs. She could feel herself drifting off to sleep.

"You know," Mai said thoughtfully, closing her eyes, "I don't love you."

"Good," Masako said, kissing the top of her head. "I don't love you either."

* * *

Yes. I DID just write Mai/Masako. Watcha gonna do about it, huh? Anyways, variety in genres, as promised. 

I promise not to write anymore Mai/Masako. XD I mean, unless you want me to. There's just a tragic lack of lesbian and crack pairings in our fandom. Seeya!


	4. D is for Denial

I promised myself I wouldn't upload this before I finished E... but I guess I lied. XD So I just have to make sure I write E tommorow night, and life is good. Blah blah blah.

* * *

On the third shelf of the bookcase in Takigawa Hoshou's bedroom, hidden behind cereal boxes and musty books, there is a silver picture frame. It's been lying face-down in the dust for exactly four years and eighty-one days. If someone were to find it (which no one ever would) and see the picture (which he would never allow), they would see a woman and a child. She isn't very old- twenty at most. She's pretty- black hair pulled up in a neat bun, green eyes sparkling. The child is a little boy, barely a toddler, with short brown hair and green eyes. He sits in the woman's lap, staring up at the camera with a quizzical expression. The woman's is smiling, frozen in silent laughter. On the back of the picture, scrawling handwriting labels them as Takigawa Yuko and Takigawa Eiji.

He had tried to get rid of it before, a few weeks after they died. It wouldn't make any difference- after all, very few people knew he had even been married, much less had a daughter. No one had noticed when he gave away her clothes and lost his wedding band. No one would notice a missing picture frame. And it would be better, really, because he ought to let go of that one last shred. That's what he had told himself as he held it over the fire. Start over. –_arms around her, dressed in white-_ A blank slate. -_first birthday that day, hadn't it? Yes, and he'd gotten him-_ A fresh start, with new friends _and she smelled of lavender_ and he'd pretend it never happened _hold his hand and teach him to walk_ and it would be a beautiful _miss them_ fresh _need them_ start. _Can't._ He pulled back from the fire with a sigh, teetering somewhere between blissful denial of his memories and his certainty that he would break without them.

So there it sits, face-down on the third shelf of the bookcase in his bedroom, collecting the dust and regret of four years and eighty-one days.

* * *

Really now. Takigawa is the perfect gentleman, the perfect boyfriend, an amazing guy, and loves playing hero. So if he doesn't have at LEAST a steady girlfriend by now, he's either gay or has already had a wife and had her die tragically or divorce him. And, you know, I like hurting my favourite characters... so I wrote about it.

XD Anyways, see you in E. Return of the humor. Watch out for spontaneous sex changes. And by the way... By the time you see this, I am probably done with finals! Hyuu hyuuuu!


	5. E is for Easter

Before we begin: The origins of Easter IS correct. Everything about old Pagan research is NOT. Firstly because no one's completely sure how the worship went, second because I'm too lazy to do research.

Also, this fic was done at the request of Honey-sempai, who will be having my beautiful son. D So you can't blame me.

* * *

"Naru dropped the case?" Mai rubbed her eyes and stared at her clock. 4:36 AM blinked back at her in bold red. For Yasuhara to call so early, it must be important. And why was Yasuhara calling, anyways? It was Naru's phone. Oh no- what if- "Is he alright?"

There was an uncomfortable pause on the other end of the line which did nothing to soother Mai's nerves.

"…He's… safe," Yasuhara said finally.

"But?"

"There are… _circumstances_. I have to go," said Yasuhara.

"You're not telling me something!" Mai insisted.

"I would never hide anything from you," he assured her, "Goodbye!"

_Click._

(------)

"What did she say?" Naru demanded. Demanded, not asked. Granted, he had reason to be impatient today. He was, after all, a she.

It wasn't her fault. When Naru took the case at the Catholic church, there was no way for her to know it was an annoyed Pagan fertility goddess causing all the problems. She had no way to know that staying overnight would be viewed as a threat, and she _certainly_ had no way to know that threatening Eostre would give her and her assistant a sex change.

Naru had actually gotten the better end of the deal. She was pretty, but she still had a boyish figure. Small chest, almost nothing in the way of hips. Lin had it much worse. Breasts erupted from his chest like the dunes of the Sahara, then gave way to a doll-thin waist and perfect child-bearing hips. The poor man- woman- whatever- had been curled in the armchair is silent misery ever since Yasuhara had arrived.

"She just wanted to know that you were ok," Yasuhara said. "Which you are, essentially."

"_Essentially_. I'm _essentially_ ok. Yasuhara. I," Naru continued, "am a woman."

"And it only makes you more beautiful, Naru-chan." _Ohshit_, that wasn't what he meant to say. "But we'll work quickly to fix it," he added hastily. "Though I'm not exactly sure what we can do. It's a godess."

"We've defeated a god before."

"You almost died," Lin said. Then he jumped, startled by the high-pitched cuteness of his own voice, and sunk further down in the chair with a miserable whimper. Naru frowned at him.

"Yasuhara. Tell me what you found out."

"Um…" he slid his glasses up his nose and shuffled papers. "I found out that Easter was adapted from a Pagan fertility festival, and its date was fluid for a long time, and the Christians used it as a strategy to convert Pagans. Which is probably why Eostre is angry. They stole her holiday and her worshippers and her festival in one shot." He glanced up at Naru. "…None of which, by the way, will turn you back into a man."

Naru just stood there, staring at Lin. Maybe she was deep in thought. Maybe she was checking out Lin's chest. It was really impossible to tell, and she wasn't offering any clue- or even acknowledging that Yasuhara had spoken, for that matter.

"Of course, being a woman has its high points," Yasuhara offered. "Just think. Next time you get kicked in the-"

"Yasuhara."

"-Shins, I was going to say shins."

"_Yasuhara._"

"Yes?"

"Do some research on the practices involved in worshipping Eostre."

Again with the demands. He was getting really sick of that.

"Say please."

Naru stared at him.

"Why?"

"Because it's polite," Yasuhara replied.

"I'm your boss. I don't have to be polite," Naru said.

"Are you in a position to be rude to me right now, _ma'am_?" Yasuhara asked.

Naru said nothing. Yasuhara said nothing. Neither of them moved in the direction of research.

"Please?" Lin asked.

"But of course!" Yasuhara chirped, grinning. "In fact, there's a little bit about that right here," he said, producing a few paper-clipped pages out of the stack. Naru accepted them, scanned the front page, and narrowed her eyes.

"Why didn't you give me these when I asked the first time?"

"Maybe I forgot I had them," said Yasuhara. "Never mind, I'll put on some tea. Darjeeling or earl grey?"

(------)

No. She did not want tea. She wanted to lock himself in her office now, thank you. It was two pots of tea, fourty-three minutes, and several awkward conversations with Lin later when the door opened. Naru strode over to Yasuhara and thrust a notepad at him with such force and determination that Lin flinched backwards slightly.

"We need a shrine. Buy these."

Yasuhara took the notepad and read over it. It was a shopping list, in the loose sense that there were things on it he was supposed to buy. There were also notes scrawled all over the place in English, which was unnecessary. There were a few notes in Japanese, but they may as well have been Greek. He probably would have understood them better. It was perfect nonsense. He looked up at Naru.

"I don't know where to find bull's testicles."

Naru shrugged.

"You're smart. You'll find them."

"I don't _want_ to find bull's testicles. And gull's eggs?" Yasuhara shook his head. "I honestly don't know where to start. These don't come at the supermarket, you know."

"I could point out a few places to check," Naru said. "And Lin, you know some magic shops, yes?"

Lin nodded at her teacup.

"Then why don't you come with me?"

"_No!_" Lin and Naru shouted in perfect high-pitched unison. Lin turned red and shrank back into the chair. Naru cleared her throat.

"We refuse to go out in public like this."

Lin nodded emphatically. Her breasts bounced in time.

"I refuse to go out in public and ask around for…" Yasuhara glanced down at the list. The next item had a crude illustration next to it. He swallowed hard. "Oh, I'm not even going to _mention_ that one. Naru-chan, I _wish_ you would you come with me and show me exactly where to go."

He said 'wish' in that voice- the one only used by pushy businessmen and angry mothers (who actually have a good deal in common when you get right down to it) that really means 'this is a demand, not a request, and you're lucky I'm letting you off with this so take it or get off my lawn'. Naru (and her newfound woman-parts) knew there was no getting around it. She sighed.

"I refuse to wear a skirt."

"No skirt necessary," Yasuhara assured her. "You might even get away without a bra. Lucky you. Lin, on the other hand…"

Lin raised her head at the mention of her name, regarding Yasuhara with unadulterated dread.

"I'd guess a D cup. At least. He could probably borrow some clothes from my sister, but I'm quite sure he's too busty for her bras."

There was a profound silence.

"…Which does _not_ mean I stare at her chest or her underwear drawer," he added. "It's just a noticeable difference."

Lin and Naru let out subtle sighs of relief.

"On the other hand, this means we have to take a quick stop at a department store before we do the rest of the shopping," Yasuhara said. "They're the only places that will be open at this hour."

Lin looked sick. Naru sat down, staring at the wall.

"…For a bra."

"Unless you want Lin's chest popping out of his shirt. Besides, it would be painful to walk very far like that."

"I could stay here," Lin said. Naru glared at her. If she suffered, Lin suffered too. "Or I could go."

"Good!" Yasuhara clapped and stood up. "Then let's head out."

(------)

The next hour went something like this: drive to Yasuhara's. Sneak in through basement. Sneak into sister's room. Get Naru into some jeans and a sweater. Wake up sister while going through underwear drawer holding bras. Get run out of Yasuhara's house. Leave for department store. Almost crash into police car because Lin is too distressed to drive straight. Barely get out of a ticket because Yasuhara is an astounding liar, even under stress. Arrive at department store. Now was the tough part- getting Lin to actually shop for a bra.

Thankfully, the burden had been lifted from Yasuhara's shoulders. The whole drive over (after, or course, he stopped generating excuses to give his sister and mother when he got home), he had been compiling a battery of reasons for him to just find one and get on with it. Lin had been standing in front of the lingerie department shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot when Yasuhara opened his mouth to start listing the reasons, but he was interrupted by Naru. She walked up to Lin. She stared at Lin.

"I don't need-" Lin started.

"Find one in ten minutes or leave."

"But I don't want-"

"And if you leave, there's no telling how long you'll be stuck that way."

Lin nodded slowly and vanished into the rows of frilly underwear. Naru made a small noise of disgust and leaned against the wall. Yasuhara wasn't sure what to do now. He could hang out in front of the lingerie department and look like a spooky pervert. He could lean against the wall next to Naru and people could wonder why you would go bra shopping with your angry girlfriend. He could look through the racks himself, which might be worth it if only for the reactions.

If only he had the excuse of finding clothes for Lin. She would be fine wearing her masculine clothes, except that her belt no longer kept her pants on her wasp-thin waist and her shirt had a habit of either popping buttons or exposing her belly. So they had managed to snatch a dress before they were run out of his house. Lin wasn't happy about it, but she didn't have much of a choice- she was too tall to wear any of his sister's pants. As is, the "full-length sundress" came down to his knees.

"SPR is paying for this," Lin said, holding up a bra.

"I'll see what I can do," Naru said, and took it to checkout.

Lin changed in the store bathroom before they left. Then she took the SPR van around parts of the city Yasuhara had never seen- you know, those dark alleys where the drug dealers of soap operas and serial rapists of crime dramas hang out. But these dark alleys were full of small "enterprises" (hobos with sacks, rickety tables and sweaty men, and the occasional dusty shop) with a variety of definitely illegal products. Lin turned plenty of heads, but Naru's glare turned them right back. They were back in the SPR office before opening time.

"So I put the bird eggs here?" Yasuhara asked, pointing at a corner of the altar. Lin nodded, pulling down her bright pink sundress. "Now what?"

"Now you move so I can finish," Naru said, shoving him out of the way. She had grown increasingly agitated as the trip had dragged on, making snide comments if it took more than twenty seconds to find an ingredient and bullying Lin into speeding and ignoring traffic signals. Yasuhara wanted to pin it on the sex change. Or sleep deprivation. Because if his boss _really_ acted that way all the time, he'd like to think he had enough self-respect to get a different job.

She glanced down at a book and mouthed a few words, rehearsing the first line or so. Then she began a chant, in some language he didn't recognize. Yasuhara was swept away by the mantra, the rise and fall of the voice, the rhythm and warmth. He didn't need to know the words. It was enough to hear them. Naru finished, and he let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding.

"…Did it work?" he asked.

Naru turned around and smirked.

"It was my idea. Of course it worked."

A collective sigh of relief went around the room, and Lin patted his chest, just to make sure.

"Now we should change out of these hideous clothes," Naru said, picking at the baby blue sweater. "And no one is to speak of this."

Lin nodded vigorously in agreement. Yasuhara smiled.

"You owe me a bonus, but I promise not to say a word about it."

It was then that the bell on the door rang and Taniyama Mai came in to work, escorted by Takigawa.

"Good morning!" Mai chimed. "Why did you drop… the…"

"…Cross-dressing?" Takigawa added.

There was an awkward silence. Naru gave Yasuhara a desperate look. He grinned.

"I can't explain it," he said. "They made me _promise _to keep their secret."

* * *

Annnnnnd, sorry it took so long to update. XD I had a summer class with 30 pages of reading a day. But I hope it was worth the wait. Not sure what to do for F yet though... probably Fall or Family.

P.S. How many of you caught Yasuhara's joke line with the tea?


	6. F is for Family

Mai hated parent's day. Most of the time she didn't mind being an orphan- she'd gotten over it a long time ago. And even now, it wasn't that she missed her parents. It was just awkward being the only one who had no one there. She fiddled with her notebooks and tried to look busy- ten minutes till class began. She still had time to get away and skip if she really wanted. But, of course, that would be ridiculous. She sighed and drummed her fingers on the desk.

"Yes. For Taniyama Mai."

…Huh? That voice. The teacher stood in the doorway, but she craned her neck to see around him. And lo and behold, there was Naru, looking more irritated than usual. What the- he might call her up at odd hours of the night, but he didn't usually pull her out of school for a case. What was _he_ doing here? Her friends already teased her about him enough, she didn't need him showing up here. She shrunk down in her desk and tried to be invisible, because maybe then he would go away.

"You're her age," the teacher said, "there's no way you could be her father."

"I'm quite aware of that. May I come in?"

"I'm sorry, but this is for the students and their families. If we let all their acquaintances in, there would be no room."

Right. Hear that, Naru? No room. So leave. Just turn around, and-

"I'm her husband."

…._WHAT!?_

"That counts as family, does it not?"

Mai was sure her face was on fire. What was he _thinking?! _Was he thinking at all? Her _what!?_ Oh god, her friends would _never_ let her hear the end of this one!

"Taniyama isn't married!" the teacher sputtered.

"Not yet, perhaps, but we're engaged to be married in June. It will suffice, yes?"

"Where's her engagement ring?" the teacher demanded.

"She doesn't wear it to school because she's afraid it would be stolen. Or that she would be harassed for being too young."

How could he stand there and say that without any change in his voice? What was he, a robot? Even Yasuhara showed a little emotion when he lied.

"I'm not letting you in."

"Would you like me to go home and fetch a wedding invitation to prove it? I could, but I'm sure it would disrupt class when I came back with it."

The teacher scowled, but stepped aside.

"Taniyama, you have a… _visitor_."

Naru nodded his thanks and made his way through the rows to sit beside Mai. She could feel her classmate's eyes on her and it made her nervous, so she stared at her desk and refused to acknowledge his presence. The teacher sent one last glare in Naru's direction before beginning today's lesson on modern poetry, which Mai completely ignored. She kept her eyes fixed on her notebook.

"Why are you here?" she whispered, only half expecting an answer.

"Because." Naru leaned in so she could hear him, his lips brushing her ear. "I know how it feels."

He sat back. She blinked, and it took her a moment to realize what he was talking about. Then she smiled. She reached out and took his hand. He raised his eyebrows but didn't make any move to break the connection. And sitting there, their hands clasped as the girls of the class shot them jealous looks, she thought that maybe she would enjoy parent's day after all.

* * *

This is a birthday present for Sapphire, so everyone wish her a happy birthday and NEVER EXPECT ME TO DO NARU/MAI AGAIN. XD 


	7. G is for Game

First, a general response to the reviews from last chapter, which generally included alot of "why no more NaruMai" ... I hate Naru. I hate Mai. Ergo, I hate NaruMai. Ergo, no more NaruMai. And if half my readers are reading this because they want Naru/Mai, then I want that half to get out right this instant and not come back, because you have the whole Ghost Hunt section catering to your wants and I'm just trying to help fill the gaping whole in the fandom for the half who have more diverse interests.

Sorry, don't mean to be rude, but it seriously irks me to think that the fandom is really only about those two characters and their romance.

...And now onto the story, which is signifigantly more fun than me being pissy. XD

* * *

"Ha! Schnitzel!" Ayako declared, grinning up at Takigawa. He slammed his glass down on the table. 

"What!? That is _so_ not a word."

"Is too," said Ayako, lurching forwards to point at the scrabble tiles. "S-c-h-n-i-t-z-e-l. It's a kind of noodle or something German like that."

"You can't use German words," he declared, thumping his fist on the box lid. "Says in the, in the rules." He shoved the lid at her, nearly knocking 'haunt' off the board. "See?"

He flashed a triumphant grin and took another swig of his drink. He didn't know what it was actually, Ayako had mixed it, but it tasted damn good. It was his personal opinion that she should quit being a miko and open a bar, but that'd probably be considered a step down.

"…_Unless_ _it's been absorbed into the language_," she read, squinting at the text, which was swimming a little. "See!? Schnish- Schnith- _That word_ has been absorbed into the Japanese language. It counts." She frowned at him for a moment. "Take off your shoes."

"What is this, strip Scrabble?" Takigwawa asked, sitting back in his chair and folding his arms.

"Nah, I was just thinking you're inside, you should take off your shoes. No wonder your apartment's so messy. You're a slob." She paused to drain the rest of her glass. "But y'know, strip Scrabble doesn't sound like such a bad idea."

"That's gotta be the geekiest thing I've _ever_ heard," Takigawa snorted, reaching across the table to refill her glass.

"We got drunk to play Scrabble," she pointed out, waving a finger at him. "I don't think stripping is gonna make us any geekier than that."

"Huh," said Takigawa, and shrugged. After a thoughtful pause, he removed his shirt. He wasn't exactly buff, but Ayako had certainly seen worse, and the scars (probably from old cases) had a certain appeal. She laughed and applauded.

"Nice, nice! Now take your turn, you sexy stud."

"Don't patronize me," he whined. He drummed his fingers on the table before grabbing an 's' and tagging it on the end of her word. "Schnitzels. So _there._"

"You ass!" Ayako cried, shaking her fist at him. "That's so unfair!"

"I'm losing anyways," he said, sipping his drink. "So either take something off or gimmie the recipe for this. I'd take either."

Ayako swirled her drink, frowning at it.

"We're drunk. You might take advantage of me. So I'll mix you another, but the recipe's a secret."

"I wouldn't take advantage of you," he protested. He stuck out his neck and pouted. "I'm not that low."

"Fine then. Here."

She shed her shirt and he froze for a minute, wide-eyed.

"Ah. Mmm. Chest."

"But you're not that low," she teased, winking at him. "I'm still making another one."

She swaggered over to the counter, opening and closing cabinets until she had a few ingredients laid out. She grabbed his glass and, after a moment's consideration, her own.

"Hm. Lemme try something else this time, actually. And it won't mix well with these leftovers," she reasoned, raising the glass.

"Hey, wait!" He jumped out of his seat with all the grace of a newborn puppy and tripped over the leg of his chair. He caught himself on the table just in time to look up at Ayako and see her finishing off the 'leftovers'. "Awww, man, I wanted that."

"Nah, this one'll be better," she insisted, sniffing an unlabeled bottle that Takigawa thought might be cooking vinegar.

"Yknow, if I watch you make it, 's as good as giving me the recipe."

"Yeah. If you remember it tomorrow morning."

He laughed, still trying to regain his balance. Across the room, the doorbell rang.

"Ooh, hold on," he said, shoving off and stumbling across the room. "Just a second!" he shouted louder than necessary and fumbled with the locks. He opened the door, revealing John. He was holding a small stack of books, smiling pleasantly.

"Good evening, Takigawa-san. I just thought I'd return these, since I'm done with the case I needed them for."

"Hi John!" Ayako shouted, still hidden by the counter.

"Uh, hello!" he called back with a half-hearted wave. "Anyways, thanks for letting me borrow them, they were helpful." He paused, giving him an odd look. "And. Um. Your shirt?"

"It's on vacation," Takigawa said, clapping him on the back and taking the books. "Every shirt needs a vacation from time to time, yeah? You're a man, you understand."

"…Are you two drunk?" John asked, looking less sure about this by the minute.

"_Very_." He grinned. "Gloriously, shamelessly, shirtlessly drunk off my ass."

"You can join us, but I might hit on you," Ayako offered, stepping out from behind the counter. John caught a glimpse of her chest and turned eight shades of red.

"Um. N-no thanks. I, I just remembered a very urgent thing going on somewhere else, see. That isn't h-here. Goodnight!"

He slammed the door.

"Huh." Takigawa blinked. "That was weird."

"C'mon, try this," Ayako said, waving a glass in front of his face. "And get back over here. I'm not done winning yet."

(------)

The sun rose bright, early, and right in Takigawa's eyes. He groaned and rolled over, fighting off the headache that was lying in wait. Another groan echoed beside him.

…?

He opened his eyes slowly, only to find himself face to face with a naked woman.

…!!

"Ayako!" He leapt out of bed, which the headache took as its cue to launch a full-force attack, bringing him to his knees. "_Shhhhhhiiiit…_"

"…Mm?" She opened one eye groggily, glanced at him, and closed it again. "If you're going to puke, please don't do it in here."

"Not- going to- puke," he gritted out, glaring at her. "Why are you in my bed?"

"That's not the response I usually get," she mused, opening her eyes and smiling at him. "Even if they've blacked out, they tend to be grateful."

"We're naked!"

"Of course. We had sex."

"But- you can't- we didn't- why are we naked?"

Ayako heaved a long-suffering sigh and threw the blanket at him, then slid off the other side of the bed.

"Go shower up and take an aspirin. I'll make us breakfast."

"Get some clothes on first!" he called, trying to cover himself with the blanket. Ayako paused in the doorway and raised her eyebrows.

"Why? It's just the two of us, unless you're about to invite Yasuhara or Lin."

"Over my dead body!"

Ayako tossed her head back and laughed, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

"No thanks, I'm not into that. But if you're up for more, I could come back to bed."

"You're twisted," he groaned, massaging his temples. "A twisted rapist. That's what you are."

She smiled.

"I'm pretty sure you enjoyed it," she said, and headed for the kitchen. He sighed and looked around for some clothes to wear after his shower, lifting a pair of pink striped underwear off his shoes. Ayako popped her head around the corner.

"Oh, when you find your boxers, I want you to know that it was _not_ my fault."

* * *

Thanks to my wonderful betas, Aki and Honey! Check out Aki's story, Shades of Lust. It tastes like chicken, but better. 

And I still don't have any plans for H... maybe I'll just open the dictionary and point at a word? o.O


End file.
